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What do you call a tea party with more than 30 people?
A Z party!!!
"It has now been proven beyond a doubt that smoking is the major cause of statistics."
Two random variables were gossiping and thought they were discrete by whispering but I heard their chatter continuously.
Why did the statistician take Viagra?
Since his sample was large, he did not want to be rejected with a small p-
A statistics professor was describing sampling theory to his class, explaining how a sample can be studied and used to generalize to a population. One of the students in the back of the room kept shaking his head. "What's the matter?" asked the professor. "I don't believe it," said the student, "why not study the whole population in the first place?" The professor continued explaining the ideas of random and representative samples. The student still shook his head. The professor launched into the mechanics of proportional stratified samples, randomized cluster sampling, the standard error of the mean, and the central limit theorem. The student remained unconvinced saying, "Too much theory, too risky, I couldn't trust just a few numbers in place of ALL of them." Attempting a more practical example, the professor then explained the scientific rigor and meticulous sample selection of the Nielsen television ratings which are used to determine how multiple millions of advertising dollars are spent. The student remained unimpressed saying, "You mean that just a sample of a few thousand can tell us exactly what over 250 MILLION people are doing?" Finally, the professor, somewhat disgruntled with the scepticism, replied, "Well, the next time you go to the campus clinic and they want to do a blood test...tell them that's not good enough ...tell them to TAKE IT ALL!!"
A ONE-
The TWO-
Checking some questionnaires that had just been filled in, a census clerk was amazed to note that one of them contained figures 121 and 125 in the spaces for "Age of Mother, If Living" and "Age of Father, if Living."
"Surely your parents can't be as old as this?" asked the incredulous clerk.
"Well no," was the answer, "but they would be IF LIVING!"
A freshman college student had the misfortune of having several auto accidents while living at home with his parents. One day his statistics professor told his class that 83% of all auto accidents happen within 20 miles of your home. The very next day the student moved 22 miles from home and never had another accident during his entire college career!!!
How is a normal probability distribution like a CAT?
They both have a MEAN MEW.
A statistician is a mathematician broken down by age and sex.
Are statisticians normal?
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.